I mean it. Youâre getting the attention you think you want, all eyes on you. Except ours.
âIsnât there anything you can do?â Your fellow waiters ask us, concerned. Behind the triage window, you canât hear our teeth grinding.
Youâre in pain, i understand that. This might even be the worst pain youâve ever felt.
But youâre probably not dying.
Dying isnât loud.
A patient having a heart attack does not scream and thrash and gasp for air. Itâs a whisper, a tightness, with slow flexing fingers.
A stroke happens in a fraction of an instant, and never makes any sound. More whispers, halves of sentences and muscles that donât quite match up anymore, a puppet with a few of the strings cut. Alarmed and wandering eyes, maybe, but never yelling.
Or the more common killers, infections that shut down organs or the pipes of blood that sever. Cardiac or respiratory failure. If a person can talk they are, in fact, breathing just fine.
Remember this, the next time you come to an emergency department. Remember this when youâre sitting in the waiting room, while a sleepy-looking person in a wheelchair is whisked away without a word.
Iâve been on both sides of the fence on this one. Working in the ER and being a patient. And the fact of the matter is no one can really tell how much pain you feel. One day I got brought into the ER in an ambulance with abdominal pain. Iâm an EMT mind you, I hate going to the ER unless I have to. Felt like something from the Aliens movies was trying to get out of my stomach. Got assessed in triage and the pain passed. And then It came back with a vengence. Honest to God 10 out of 10. And I tried to be civil and ask the nurses if I could get moved back just so I could get something for the pain. I got the eye roll, the looks of disbelief, and told to wait. I tried walking away, my knees gave out and I landed on all fours. In the ER. And I screamed. It was the worst pain ever. They tried to put me back in a wheelchair. The movement made the pain worse. It wasnât until the charge nurse said that I was making a scene that they took me back to an exam room. I sat there for 5 minutes waiting on my nurse. It got hard to breath. It took another 5 minutes for them to get me pain killers and an x-ray. My entire upper abdomen from my diaphragm to my belly button was full of air. My stomach had ruptured and was leaking into all of my abdomen. I was rushed to emergency abdominal surgery and was going into shock when I made it to the OR. 5 more minutes and I would have been dead. I tried to âsuffer in silence and with dignityâ. It almost got me killed. You donât get to decide if people are in pain or not just by looking at them. Youâre human. Not a CT scanner.
Reblog for this comment
I rear ended a car at 16 and slammed on breaks & ended up shattering EVERY bone in my right foot & snapping my ankle in half. Later, the specialists said it was the worst foot break they have ever seen. When the ambulance dropped me off at the hospital, strapped to a stretcher, they wheeled me into the break room and left me there for 30 minutes.
They left a child in the nurses break room for 30 minutes with no explanation. Just wheeled me in there and left me crying my eyes out surrounded by people playing angry birds on their phones.
When I finally saw a nurse she gave me TYLENOL and told me to go home with my mom because my foot was âa little swollenâ. They wrapped it in gauze. They were mad because I was making so much noise but my foot literally felt like it was on fire.
YOU CANNOT DECIDE HOW MUCH PAIN SOMEONE IS IN!!!!
Seriously, itâs shitty shitty shitty attitudes like OPâs that make me terrified of ever having to go to the ER.
Y’all have a hard job, I know and appreciate that, but y’all can also be jaded, heartless sons of bitches and itâs seriously ill and suffering patients who pick up the tab on that.
i have lifelong psychological trauma from being left waiting four hours with unbearable abdominal pain when i was eleven or so.
four hours.
someone prodded at my stomach and decided that since the pain wasnât in the right place to be a ruptured appendix, it was just gas. after that, the only nurses who even came near me only came to tell me to be quiet.
my parents begged for someone, anyone, to listen â he never cries, they said, he never whines, iâve never heard him make this noise before, something is really really wrong! this kid fell out of a tree and broke his collarbone and got up laughing! when he stepped on broken glass he just said âuh i guess you better fetch a towelâ! jesse does not scream, please someone at least try to find out whatâs wrong, isnât this a hospital?
all anyone said was, kids make such a fuss. stop being dramatic.
meanwhile, i was entering an altered state from the unrelenting pain, hallucinating and giggling through my sobs, having mini blackouts. i bit clean through a paperback book before someone finally came around to take me to x-ray âthough iâm sure we wonât find anything.â the x-ray technician snapped âyou donât need thatâ and snatched my teddy bear, tossing it on a counter, where it wouldâve been left behind if my mother hadnât noticed me coming out of the room without it (they didnât let her come in with me) and gone charging in to get it.
more waiting, because x-rays took time to develop back then. more contempt and cold shoulders, and me wondering if i could maybe walk just enough to get out to the highway and dive in front of a semi, because hell cannot be any worse than this.
and then suddenly, hereâs a doctor who is in a huge hurry and we are going to give me a great big enema right fucking now because the x-ray found a bowel obstruction as hard as stone and my intestines are going to rupture any second! hurry hurry, donât you know how high the fatality rate is for sepsis from a ruptured bowel? terrified eleven year old, dehydrated and seeing double and too weak to stand, gets what feels like a garden hose full of lava shoved up his butt, and then they point me at a toilet and leave me there.
result: child on the floor, erupting from both ends. nurseâs reaction: anger and disgust.
pretty much everything from the x-ray on, i remember as if i was watching myself on tv. by the time they left me in the bathroom i wasnât crying anymore. i was just sort of⊠nearby, while things happened to my body. i wondered if my bowel was still in danger of rupturing, but i couldnât find it in me to care.
i was finally quiet.
maybe at that point OP wouldâve condescended to notice me.
Folk wisdom about who needs the real help works and sounds good ninety percent of the time but when psychiatric pts die on the floor in your waiting rooms from a fatal case of non standard presentation complicated by acute jaded power trip itâs still malpractice
Ps head injuries for sure never cause a person to be altered and act like nothing serious is going on
op, itâs attitudes like yours in the world of medicine that need changing, not how our patients âshouldâ present when they come to us for help.Â
Iâm surprised that NO ONE talks about the creators of South Park are probably one the most influencial american animators even tho they CANâT DRAW AT ALL.
Did anyone of you see the original short? It was crappy and cheap af but STILL THEY GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE A FULL SERIES.
They even admitted it on several interviews and I find it really inspirational. IF THEY DID BECOME FAMOUS AND RESPECTED, SO CAN YOU. YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU HAVE NO REASON TO THINK OTHERWISE.
Plus look at how the Simpsons started out
So if you you hate your art remember it doesnât matter how good it looks itâs the idea behind it that counts
 Goldfish (Carasius auratus auratus) are one of the most popular aquarium fish. Unfortunately, this is because people are lead to believe that they can be kept in small aquariums or, even more popular, fish bowls. These bowls are unsuitable for almost all fish. Keeping a goldfish in one will result in itâs premature death. There are many varieties of goldfish, but they can be split up into two different groups. Fancy goldfish and common goldfish. Fancy goldfish do not get as large as commons, therefore they are more suitable for tanks. Goldfish also do not make good childrenâs pets because of the large amount of space and maintenance they require. So here are some myths about them and their care that are dangerous to the life of your fish.
Myth #1: Goldfish will only grow to the size of their bowl.
Truth #1: Goldfish will grow to the size of their tank, becoming stunted and unhealthy.
Stunted fish live short, unhealthy lives. You never want to stunt your fish. So this myth has a little but of truth to it. When a goldfish is put into a bowl, it is creating too much waste for any water change schedule to keep up with. There are a few theories around goldfish and why some are stunted when kept in small bowls and tanks. One theory says that because it has no room to grow, it releases hormones that make it grow slower, stunting itâs growth. Another is that a build up of nitrates are the cause. Either way, the fish will die either due to being exposed to deadly amounts of itâs own waste before it can reach a certain size, or is stunted living a shortened lifespan. Both of those deaths are easily preventable with proper care.
Truth #2: Goldfish have a 2 month memory span, possibly even longer.
This myth has no scientific backing. There have been countless studies involving goldfish and their memory. Goldfish have a normal memory span, they can remember their way through a maze for months; and if the maze is changed they can find their way through with minimal problems.They also associate objects or actions with events like feeding, and can even be taught tricks!
Myth #3: Goldfish do not make a lot of waste, and do not get very large so they are suitable for a small tank.
Truth #3: Goldfish make a lot of waste for their size, and some get around a foot long! They are only suitable for large, well filtered aquariums.
 This could not be further from the truth. A full grown common goldfish is around 12-20 inches long. A full grown fancy goldfish is 5-12 inches. These are not small fish. If they do not reach their adult size, as with all animals, something went wrong. Goldfish make a lot of waste for their size, therefore they require large volumes of water and frequent water changes with a strong filter. A single common goldfish should be kept in a minimum of a 100 gallon tank as an adult. A single fancy goldfish should be kept in a minimum of 20 gallons. Sometimes it is hard to get people to believe that they reach such lengths, but when kept properly they can and should get to be quite large. Therefore, keeping them in a bowl is unacceptable if you value their life. It is extremely unfortunate that this myth is so well known- and believed.
Truth #4: Goldfish are long lived animals, they should live to be 15-25 years old.
This myth also has no truth to it. Itâs the exact opposite of what is true. The longest lived goldfish on record died at the age of 43! Now, that doesnât mean your goldfish will live that long, but they still live for quite a while. The average goldfish lives for 15-20+ years. That is about as long as a dog or cat. Therefore, when purchasing a goldfish, you must think about whether or not you will be able to care for it during itâs whole life. Itâs not something to be taken lightly. A lot of people complain about their goldfish only living for a few weeks or months. This usually happens because the goldfish is kept in a bowl.
It is recommended to use a filter for twice the volume of water the fish is actually in. Goldfish are notorious for making waste. When dealing with goldfish, you want to get a filter for a tank twice the size of the tank the goldfish are in. Anything less and you will have problems keeping waste levels down. When a goldfish is alive, it creates waste 24/7. As a fish exhales, they exhale ammonia. They also release waste into the water. This ammonia builds up pretty quickly, and it is your job as the owner to make sure it does not get to dangerous levels. A goldfish in a bowl can create enough waste to make the water dangerous to live in within a day! After being exposed to this dirty water, the fish becomes stressed and ill. It will then die if the water is not cleaned. It is impossible to keep a small tank clean enough for a goldfish to live in it and be healthy for 20 years. Therefore making bowls not even an option.
Truth #6: Goldfish are cold water fish, preferring temperatures of 65-70 degrees Fahrenheit.
Goldfish are descended from Prussian Carp, a cold water carp living in parts of Asia. While goldfish can tolerate a wide range of temperatures, keeping them in warmer water can speed up their metabolism and stress them, making it a poor temperature to be kept at. Goldfish thrive at 65-70 degrees Fahrenheit (18-21 degrees Celsius). Common goldfish can be kept in cooler temperatures during the winter like koi, but fancy goldfish do not tolerate it well.
In conclusion, goldfish should never be kept in bowls. They get too large, they need strong filtration, and they make too much waste to be kept in something small. Keeping a goldfish in a bowl will kill it. Keep in mind that even if a goldfish lives for 5 years in a bowl, it still didnât live to half of itâs expected lifespan. If you truely value the life of these living, feeling creatures you will do research before purchasing them and give them an acceptable place to live and level of care.
General goldfish information sources and good reads:
If you need to relocate, move or leave where youâre residing, donât feel ashamed by it. Sometimes places or locations have such negative attachments from whatever happened that you get physically ill just from being there.Â
There may be people who will tell you that youâre ârunning awayâ, âavoiding the problemâ, or trying to âescape everythingâ. Donât listen to them. Your mental health matters. You have the right to heal.
I just moved across the country to get away from my abuser. My last therapist told me that I was only running away from my issues and it would do nothing to help me get better.
For the fist time in 5 years I can leave the house without fear of my abuser stalking me or of him showing up at my job to harass me. This is a very real thing to do that can and does do wonders to help your mental health. Itâs is by no means a permanent solution, but it can make life so much easier.
i moved to a new country. they told me not to. best decision iâve ever made.
if you have something to run from, itâs ok to run.
it only becomes a problem when you are trying to run from yourself, because wherever you go there you are.
A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their loverâs once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
this fucks me up every single time
I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds Iâve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, âis love a feeling? Or is it a choice?â We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, weâd never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the âfeeling of loveâ had vanished or faded and they werenât happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. Iâve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. Iâve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.
I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
This is so fucking important and I think itâs something I needed right now
I love this
This
Iâve always said this. Love is deliberate. Love is a conscious decision.
I donât understand why people assume thereâs this sense of entitlement when someone with depression or chronic illness complains about being bored. Itâs not like weâre sitting there with endless resources in front of us, turning our nose up at all the options we have and whining about everything being too boring. Itâs not just boredom – itâs lack of stimulation and enrichment.Â
When you have a condition that severely restricts your ability to do things, you get⊠understimulated, socially deprived, restless⊠and that translates to boredom. I wish more people understood that when I say Iâm bored what Iâm really saying is, Iâve barely been able to leave the house for five days and I feel like staring at the walls or scrolling through my phone for another eight hours is going to make me lose my mind.Â
This is absolutely true. Itâs called âoccupational deprivationâ which is fancy OT words for ânot being able to do almost anythingâ basically. Thereâs a whole academic literature about how bad it is for people to be occupationally deprived and how it screws you up psychologically.
Iâm actually in the beginning stages of writing an article about occupational deprivation in bedridden people. ItâČs basically a case study of me – Iâve been bedridden for decades – but Iâd love to hear from other bedridden spoonies if youâd like your thoughts included. Message me!
A note on the topic of trauma that I personally found helpful in accepting the idea that I am a trauma victim is that one of the most widely accepted facts in the field of trauma research is that abuse is often not the common factor in whether somebody will develop ptsd.Â
Many people can go through awful things without developing trauma based disorders as long as they receive compassion and support in processing those events as they happen. The most common factor in developing something like ptsd is emotional neglect. And emotional neglect on itâs own can be enough.Â
Whatever you went through was enough I promise, youâre not overreacting. Abuse and neglect are traumatic at any level, you donât need to have gone through the worst possible experience you can think of to develop ptsd. If it hurt you then it hurt you.
âŠ..oh.
And to support that, the number one determining factor on how badly something affects a person is how theyâre treated afterward, not how objectively bad the event was. Theyâre called resiliency factors.
It looks like this:
Horrible brutal traumatic event + Family and community support + legal amelioration + closure and therapy and helpÂ
ONE MILLION TIMES MORE LIKELY TO RECOVER THAN
Event that the sufferer may think âseems minorâ compared to what others have been through + Family neglect and abuse (you deserved it, name calling, support the abuser) + no legal means + denial and stifling and no therapeutic support
I have been raped, I have been abused by someone who was supposed to be family to me, and I have recovered and gotten my life back together. I have psychiatrists, psychologists, best friends, lovers, and family who support me. I did not get legal justice, but I got the person(s) out of my life.
My friend was repeatedly verbally abused by his step-parent, and when he was abused and hurt by others he was blamed for it by that parent. He had no support and no one to talk to about it for over 10 years.
He still feels guilty for even being affected by it and Iâve had long talks with him about how it isnât ânothing compared toâ what I went through.Â
You are not wrong to be upset. You are not wrong to feel the effects of trauma. Your hurt cannot be measured against anyone elseâs. Your resiliency is your own and your situation is valid to you. Perception is everything. The worst thing that ever happened to you might ostensibly be less bad than the worst thing that ever happened to me – but it still is what happened to YOU.