outsideperception:

***This also applies to people who are supporting those diagnosed with DESNOS or trauma-based disorders***

Be patient. This is the first step to being a strong foundation for someone with this ailment; it can take days, months or years for the one you love to open up about what happened, express general emotions or even leave the home. When you show that you are patient with them in every way, you are showing them that you love them through thick and thin.

Educate yourself about PTSD/C-PTSD. This can be said about any learning disability, physical disability, mental health issue or neurodiverse diagnosis. Go to support groups, do your research and ask questions to specialists. Most importantly, ask the individual you are supporting if they are willing to explain how they are impacted on a daily basis. Please note that not every sufferer will want to elaborate further.

Do “normal”/conventional things with them. It sounds a little overdone, but people with this disorder have gone through anything but a stable surrounding, environment or event. Taking them to a movie, a walk in the park, out to the beach, for a picnic, to dinner or lunch, social event, etc. will show them that they are deserving of something more than the trauma they’ve been through. 

Be accepting about unsaid/mixed feelings. Remember, it’s really challenging for a majority of people with this disorder to completely vocalize what they’ve been through. It takes a lot of time, specifically for people with C-PTSD, to express their feelings because sometimes they just can’t find the right words to explain it. 

Learn to be an attentive listener. I’ll be making a post about this in the near future. Ask the right questions without accusing language such as, “WHY do you feel ______.” Instead try an alternative such as, “What about _____ is making you feel _______?”. Try to avoid saying “everything will be okay” or generally invalidating their feelings. When you invalidate someone’s feelings, they ultimately feel like they can’t trust you and that you don’t take their feelings seriously.

Minimize stress at home – aim to make the home as comfortable as possible. The last thing someone suffering with a trauma-based illness needs is instability within their home life. Give them time to relax and decompress from the daily stresses.  

Create structure/routine in every day life. Someone who has been through trauma (typically) craves structure and consistency in order to remember that they have control over their lives. Having a set routine helps restore a sense of self-empowerment and security in the person dealing with their trauma-based struggles.

Encourage their strengths and talents. This will help the sufferer see through a different lense; a lense that shows them their ability, especially their capability of recovering and moving forward. The more someone grows from their talents, the closer they are to establishing and strengthening their sense of self again.

(Intimate relationships) Assure them that you are there for them and love them regardless of their illness. When you tell the person you love that their illness does not define them and that your love transcends beyond that, their trust will rebuild. Abandonment issues are rampant in those with trauma-based illnesses (although at the same time, sufferers get in modes of prolonged self-isolation). The more you assure them and show it through your actions, the more that trust rebuilds and they are less likely to become co-dependent.

Help them make new, happy memories. The last thing someone with PTSD/C-PTSD/DESNOS/etc. wants to think about is the past. Making new memories will help them move forward and start enjoying their new life.

Learn about the person’s triggers and stressors. Yes, they are different. In short, “a trigger is a symptomatic reaction from one of the five senses (sight, sound, touch, taste and smell) based only upon a direct connection to an actual traumatic event experienced,” while “a stressor is something that creates an increase in adrenaline that then triggers your internal stress response mechanism…Think iceberg of emotions: a buildup of negative emotion which peaks to a response, usually anger.“ (both courtesy of myPTSD.com). The more you become in tune with what is problematic to the person, the better you will get at navigating communication, help and support.

Be compassionate in how you approach things. It can be hard as the world tells us frequently to harden up; when you’re supporting someone who has suffered from trauma, yelling could be a stressor. Certain sayings can cause a downward spiral (especially if the perpetrator said those things verbatim, or the saying could be related to an event that the sufferer has gone through). Compassion is vital and lets the person know that they can trust you and continue to move forward.

Allow the person to talk about the past. Without saying, “Stop living in the past”. As mentioned in my previous post about what NOT to say to someone with PTSD/C-PTSD, that is an extremely invalidating and belittling thing to say to someone; sometimes the sufferer needs to talk about it in order to further their recovery.

Understand that trauma changes people. Once you can grasp that trauma really changes people and how they react to things, you can then begin to learn how to approach the person with a compassionate scope.

Know that identity confusion/issues are a common response with people who have trauma-based illnesses, especially in CSA survivors. It can take a lot of therapy and time for the dissociation and identity issues to subside; when you get more educated about trauma-specific illnesses, you’ll notice that this comes up a lot. Responding to someone who is confused about their identity, at that point in time, requires assurance. Telling them that you support their decisions and approaching it with openness will help clear their mind instead of making them feel like they’re going in a downward spiral.

Remain calm during emotional outbursts. This can be challenging because everyone has an innate fight-or-flight response. When you stay at the same tone of voice, give them some distance and say something such as, “Perhaps you need some time to decompress.” or “What can I do to help you?” the person will most likely start to gather themselves emotionally.

Apply self-care. In order to continue supporting someone with PTSD/C-PTSD, you need to care for yourself too, otherwise you’ll suffer from caregiver’s burnout. As they always say, “Take care of yourself or you can’t take care of anyone else.”